


You Broke My Heart (But I Still Want You)

by Kayim



Category: Askewniverse
Genre: Other
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2007-11-29
Updated: 2007-11-29
Packaged: 2018-01-25 07:05:42
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,010
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1638077
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Kayim/pseuds/Kayim
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Bartleby watches and Loki follows.  That is how it has always been.  But not anymore.</p>
            </blockquote>





	You Broke My Heart (But I Still Want You)

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks, as always, to my partner-in-crime for the beta. The title comes from a song by the amazing singer, Ben Lee.
> 
> Written for Mek

 

 

Bartleby had known that Loki would follow him. From that very first alcohol-induced moment through all of the crazed times since they had been stuck earth-bound, Loki had always followed. Loki followed, Bartleby watched. That was who they were and how things had always been.

This time, however, things had changed. He had changed. Bartleby finally realized what had been missing from his existence all this time - free will. He couldn't alter his essential being, couldn't make himself not care, but he could ignore it. And he would. As soon as he felt the sunlight hit his body, he lifted his face heavenwards and stretched out his wings as if in defiance. He stood there for a short time, relishing the warmth of the sun on his too-cramped feathers, and closed his eyes. Behind him, he heard a soft sigh as Loki too spread his wings, but he kept his eyes closed.

Loki would still follow. But Bartleby would no longer stand aside and passively watch.

*

Under any other circumstance, Loki would be in ecstasy. He loved to fly, loved the feel of the wind rustling through his wings, but this was wrong. Everything had suddenly gone so wrong. He trailed a few feet behind Bartleby and watched as his friend flew straight ahead, knowing that in itself was unusual. On the odd occasions they allowed themselves the freedom to fly, usually late at night in the dark, Bartleby would always swoop close to the ground to watch the passers-by. They never saw him, of course, but he would always tell Loki how much he loved to be close to them, listening to all their secrets and watching their intimate moments. Loki had never understood his fascination, but then Loki wasn't a Grigori. Bartleby was created to watch.

But not today. Today he flew with a purpose, and Loki followed, wondering how it had all changed so quickly. They had known that there would be some opposition to them returning home, but neither of them had expected The Scion to be tapped. At that revelation, Loki had started to consider the possibility that none of this was worth it. But he never expected the reaction that he had seen from Bartleby. He really _had_ sounded like the Morning Star, and that scared Loki more than anything ever could. Despite everything that had happened, this was still God they were talking about and, no matter what, he couldn't imagine not loving Him.

But he had to wonder. Two of his brothers had believed the same thing. Perhaps there was a measure of truth there.

The rays of the sun in the sky could not prevent the freezing shiver that shook his body.

*

They circled high in the sky, the glow from the makeshift fire barely visible, but Bartleby knew they were there. The Scion, The Apostle and those two Prophets. Down there, laughing, smiling, joking. He could hear Loki talking to him in a hushed voice, but he ignored him. Instead, he focused on the voices from below, listening as The Apostle told Bethany who she was descended from. In disbelief he wondered how that was supposed to make her more important than him - after all, The Son was simply a different aspect of The Father, the creator of all. Nothing suggests that one creation should be subordinate to another, and yet for millennia, that is exactly what had happened to the Angels.

"That," he whispered to Loki, without taking his focus from Bethany, "is what I meant. Listen to the words coming from The Apostle."

He waited a moment to allow Loki to hear what was being said, sensing the change in his friend as he listened.

"That is why we need to go home."

Without further words, he tilted his wings and circled, changing direction and headed directly towards New Jersey. Again, Loki followed, still flying a few feet behind him. Despite not being able to see him, Bartleby could feel the conflict in Loki's mind.

Things would have to change soon.

*

For a few moments, they stood off to one side and listened as Cardinal Glick bullshitted in front of the church. How someone like this had ever risen to become one of God's ambassadors, Bartleby couldn't understand. Yet another example, he decided, of how humans didn't deserve the love and devotion that God gave them. The media watched the Cardinal as closely as the Angels did, hungering after every word.

Day after day, miracles occurred and yet not one of these so-called reporters came. They were more concerned with the actions of this human than God himself.

Bartleby strode forward. It was too late now - there was no turning back. The anger that had built up inside him was ready to flow.

Let them listen to this.

"This is no longer God's house. God doesn't live here anymore."

*

Loki couldn't join in. He had never lost his lust for smiting - that was who he was created to be - but these people were innocents. But neither could he do anything to stop Bartleby. He had defied his Lord once and lost almost everything. Only one person had stood by his side, his friend, his brother, and he knew that he could never stand against him.

But there was one thing he knew for sure. He still wanted to go home. So while Bartleby began his personal apocalypse, Loki did the only thing he could do.

He picked up a shard of shattered glass from a car windscreen and, despite the excruciating agony, he sliced off his wings, allowing feathers and blood to mix together on the floor at his feet. The tears flowed down his cheeks as he worked, crying for everything lost and everything still to regain. He watched as Bartleby picked up random passers-by and killed them. Still Loki could do nothing but renew his cutting. The pain was his punishment for his inaction.

God would forgive him, he repeated to himself. A protection mantra that he wasn't so sure he even believed anymore.

God forgives.

 

 

 


End file.
